Splits

                                         
                                          

hi loved ones....all your words touch me to the core, and I remember them as I go about the week - looking like...an idiot... uncomfortable...fish out of water.

on wednesday we went to Cauayan for the “new kid training.” that’s not what it’s called, but it was my whole batch from the mtc and our trainers.  we went to the mission home for something...but to be honest, i have no idea what we talked about because the whole time i was with Morty and Sister Davis.  agh!  it was so good to see them!  like when i walked into the home i nearly collapsed with excitement because it was such a relief to see familiar faces.

but

that excitement was short lived. 

that night the “Sister Training Leaders” called to tell us we would be going on splits the next day...uh. no. that sounded like the most retarded thing in the world. why would we want to go on splits? no need.  

so i was the one having to take this other missionary out to my investigators and the thought, honestly, made me ill.  i didn’t know how to go anywhere without Sister Perlas.  how was i gonna talk to my investigators? not even sure where i was going! and seriously wanted to refuse to go - like drinking the water actually was considered.  i threw an internal tantrum and was being such a baby.

so

i didn’t drink the water. i just spent most of my morning studies reading the scriptures and praying my guts out that i could get through the day.  once the STLs got there, i looked down at my watch and thought, “ok, one minute down.  only a lot more to go.” and when i talked to them i was seriously on the verge of tears.  i couldn’t say a lot. one of the sisters was American...and i was still nervous, but long story short...by the next morning we were best friends.

no seriously - 

this experience of going on splits changed my life.  that’s not an exaggeration.  I went on splits with the American, Sister P.,  the day we went out was her 1 year mark, ironically.  she was the most influential person i have come in contact with on my mission so far.  i started by telling her, “look, i am so nervous and want to die.  i don’t know tagalog.  i don’t know how to lead lessons very well. i don’t know what i’m doing, and i don’t want to do this.”  she just looked at me and was like, 

“Hey!  It’s ok! Just show me where we’re going.  I’ll take care of it.”

so, we visited N.  i picked her first cause i am way close to her and it was just the most comfortable to start with.  we got in there and Sister P. seriously was the most incredible person.  people actually started gathering around from the whole barangay just to hear the white girl speak tagalog.  everyone respected her and wanted to listen.  i just sat there, like star struck even, and couldn’t believe it.  just her ability to teach and to speak and to communicate with these people.  I Crave That.

the whole day was successful.  i got more comfortable leading the lessons as the day went on.  every single person we went to teach let us come in.  usually they think they’re busy.

but on this day they listened.

i was even able to commit D. to baptism.  she is 18.  so rad.  i love her.

i just KNOW that Heavenly Father sent that tender mercy my way.

i know He heard me loud and clear all morning as i pleaded for His help and strength.

Sister P. made me realize through her example as a missionary that i have so much work to do.  but also that I CAN do it.  

it changed my whole perspective on this entire mission.  it was so cool to see what my potential can be in the future as a missionary in the Philippines.  i still have so much to learn...and i can’t go home until i’m a missionary like Sister P....which will probably take me like 4 years.  yikes.  but it made me excited.

Oh!  another thing. i was walking by a rice field the other day and it almost smelled like the ocean...just for a second.  another tender mercy.  i stopped in the middle of the road and just stood there and smelled the air.  it was incredible.

EVERYDAY

i can feel Heavenly Father stretching me.  somedays it hurts.  somedays i feel it’s unbearable..but each day as i rely on the strength of my older brother, Jesus Christ, and just try my best - i get through it.  each day i witness the blessing and the miracles of life.  it is incredible...life.  it’s not easy. but it’s such a pure gift of love from our Father in Heaven.

it’s true - a mission can only be experienced.  i am grateful to be here.  somedays it’s hard to be grateful in the moment.  but as i go to bed each night i thank Heavenly Father for teaching me the things He did that day.